Couples Therapy

In couples therapy, the relationship is the client. My role isn't to determine who is right or wrong, take sides, or convince one partner that the other is correct. Instead, I am here to help both people better understand the patterns, assumptions, expectations, vulnerabilities, and experiences that continue to shape the relationship.

 

We develop beliefs about communication, trust, conflict, intimacy, responsibility, parenting, affection, and partnership based on our own experiences long before we meet our significant other. The challenge is that our partner often enters the relationship with a completely different set of assumptions and expectations that have never been explicitly discussed.

 

When you consider that every relationship involves two people with different family systems, values, communication styles, conflict patterns, life experiences, relationship histories, and beliefs about how relationships "should" work, it's almost a miracle any relationship works at all!

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Many conflicts emerge when we mistake our unspoken expectations for objective truth. These expectations often feel obvious to the person holding them, even when they have never been communicated, clarified, or agreed upon within the relationship.

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Part of my role is helping couples determine whether the fight they're having is actually the fight they're having. Together, we'll slow the cycle down and examine what happens between the two of you step by step. We'll identify what triggers each partner, how each person responds, how those responses impact the other person, and where the conflict begins to take on a life of its own. From there, we'll identify off-ramps that allow each of you to respond differently before the cycle continues repeating itself.

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Many people assume couples therapy is only for relationships that are on the brink of divorce or falling apart. In reality, couples seek therapy for a variety of reasons. Some want to strengthen their relationship, improve communication, or better understand one another. Others are exploring difficult questions about the future of the relationship and whether it continues to be the right fit for both people.

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Not every couple enters therapy knowing whether they want to stay together, and not every successful course of couples therapy ends with the relationship continuing. My role isn't to convince either partner to stay or leave. It's to help both people better understand themselves, each other, and the relationship they've created together so they can make informed decisions about what comes next.

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After our initial couples session, I typically meet with each partner individually for one session. These meetings allow me to better understand the person behind the relationship. I'm interested in learning about your family of origin, relationship history, values, life experiences, beliefs about relationships, and the environments that shaped how you learned to communicate, trust, handle conflict, express emotions, and connect with others. These meetings are conducted in service of the relationship, not as separate individual therapy sessions. The relationship remains the client throughout the process.

 

Because trust and transparency are essential to meaningful couples work, I do not keep significant secrets between partners. If information is disclosed that could substantially impact the relationship, I will work with the individual to determine the healthiest and most appropriate way to address it openly rather than carrying that information indefinitely.

 

*Psychotherapy services available in Colorado only.